


The Secret Lives of Famous Skeins

by Justice_Turtle (Curuchamion)



Category: Knitting (Anthropomorfic)
Genre: Character Narration, Character Rivalry, Double Entendre, Gossip, I really hope you like it, I'm sorry?, Implied Prostitution Metaphor, Innuendo, Interview Fic, Other, Wool Vs Acrylic, characters talking to reader, you said ANYTHING well here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curuchamion/pseuds/Justice_Turtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"That Kidsilk Haze, he's such a size queen."</em> Three famous brands of yarn reveal all in this exCLUUUUUsive holiday special on the trials and tribulations of being a fiber celebrity!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Secret Lives of Famous Skeins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Addiepants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Addiepants/gifts).



> Really. I'm so sorry. WHAT IS THIS EVEN. O_O

That Kidsilk Haze, he's such a size queen. Always has to be knit on the biggest needles. He wouldn't last a minute in a hard manual job, but he's so soft and silky they just keep coming back for more.

Noro? Noro _Kureyon_. Do you even know what they say about her? Well, if you're sure you won't tell... I heard she's come right up from the gutter. No class at all. Tatami mats, they say she's made from. Tatami, seriously.

What, me? Look, Noro says she's made of a hundred percent wool. Me, I don't lie. I get slandered, sure! They say I melt babies. They say I'm garish. They say I dress like a million dollars and act like a ninety-nine-cent rubber doll, always bouncing right back when you think you got me to lie flat. But I don't lie. You get what you see from me, babe.

***********

Yeah, and what'd he say about any of the other long-striping yarns, huh? I thought so. Just jealous, that's all. He had the technology a long time before any of us wool yarns did; he just never thought to use it. He isn't an innovator like me.

Sure, I said "wool." That's what it says on my label. You wanna make something of it, do you? Just try me. I'm as strong as he is, I'm as durable, I could rip his pills out before he could even touch me if he'd just make it a fair fight. He doesn't even dare to show his face among us high-class yarns; he has to hang out across town with those kinky _crochet hookers_. Ewww.

Well, duh, I could get crocheted if I wanted to! I can do anything he does, and better. I just have a little more class than him.

******

I am _not_ a size queen. I'm just... delicate. Refined. Everybody knows refined lace yarns have to be knit on bigger needles. It shows off our... flexibility, that's it. Our flexibility. And gracefulness.

He's just jealous. You know, he's so tight he _squeaks_. No elasticity at all. Nothing.

What? No, I didn't... I don't know that from personal experience! Definitely not. Nobody would ever have the poor taste to knit us both together. We don't even frequent the same shops.

Certainly, I've worked together with _nice_ yarns - a smooth worsted, a fluffy bouclé - but I really show off to best advantage alone. You don't want to distract from my looks, after all... or my warm, soft, silky texture... or my light, delicate weight, just perfect for lifting and wrapping around you from your neck aaaaall the way down to your hips.

Yes, that's right. Touch me again... _yessss._


End file.
